I have always loved Halloween.
As a kid, it was about scoring as much candy as possible. In my teenage years, it was a night when I could justify getting into trouble. And as an adult, I have totally loved costuming-up for Halloween parties.
Halloween now has a new meaning for me. My mom passed away on October 28, 2005. A few hours after she died we set October 31 as the date for the funeral.
At the time I thought, “Well this really sucks. From now on Halloween won’t be fun because the day will always remind me of my mom’s funeral.”
My mother’s funeral was a spectacular East Coast autumn day… clear, crisp and sunny. As I noticed signs of the changing season, I remembered something that I learned from my study of and participation in Native American traditions.
According to Native American philosophy, the time between Halloween (October 31st) and All Souls Day (November 1st) is the time of year when the “veil between the two worlds is the thinnest.” It is the time when the spirit world is closest and most connected to our physical world here on earth.
That perspective shifted how I felt about my mom being buried on Halloween. Instead of it being a bummer, it was now a gift. Suddenly it was “pretty cool” that my mom’s funeral was on Halloween.
The next Halloween, one year after my mother’s funeral, I participated in a sweat lodge ceremony – a native American prayer tradition, conducted inside a sweat lodge, which looks like an igloo but feels like a sauna. During the ceremony we were reminded that the end of October through the beginning of November is a powerful time to connect with the souls and spirits of people who have passed on.
During that sweat lodge ceremony I felt my Mom’s presence in a big way, much more so than at any other time since her death. It was incredibly powerful and enabled me to see and experience how I can still have a profound connection with my mom, even though she is no longer here physically on earth.
It’s now been 12 years since my mother’s death. With the passing of time I have found that the intense pain and sadness has lessened, and the overall missing of my mom has increased.
If you are experiencing grief from the loss of a loved one, I encourage you to take advantage of this special time of year and connect with the people in your life who have passed on. Allow the feelings of sadness and grief to be fully felt. Take comfort in special memories. Remember and honor all that you loved about the person. Ask for guidance and support. This is a powerful time of year to reconnect.
In memory of:
Barbara Ann Schubnel
1943 – 2005
Barbara at the Venetian
I love and miss you Mom.
Vegas Trip – Summer 2004
Absolutely beautiful blog and tribute, Michelle. I’m sure your mom was an amazing woman. She has to have been to have a daughter like you.
Halloween, All Saints Day Samhien, all celebrating our departed loved ones at this time of year. It is a magical moment when the veil between the worlds are thin. How wonderful to remember your Mother in this way. Sweat lodges can cleanse many things from our mind and body. I hope you continue the tradition.
Thanks Daniel. I am overdue for a good sweat lodge :)
-Michelle
Thank You for sharing. It is a Beautiful sharing of the Love you have for Your Mom & Encourages Readers to think about loss in a different way.
((Hugs))
Thank you.
Wonderful heartfelt story! Mother’s buried on special Days! We had my Mother’s funeral this year on February 14! She was the Queen of Hearts! Now making this an even more special Day! Hugs and see you at JVX!
Wow Carole – queen of hearts on valentine’s day. Your mom must have been a special lady. See you soon! xoxo -Michelle
Michelle,
I just lost my mom on Oct 16 from complications of Wet Nile Virus. That sucks doesn’t it? Plain as day, a stupid mosquito took my mom’s life. I’ve been struggling to put this long illness and death into a perspective that I can understand and gain strength from. Thanks for sharing and explaining this interesting custom. I’m going to read more about this-
Blessings, Kim
Kim I am so sorry for your loss. Yes that does suck! I’m sending you love and energy. xoxox Michelle
I like your story very much. The Native American Traditions are so moving and a subject of study for me too. Thank You
Thanks Mary Lou. xo
Hello Michelle,
Your blog post touched me in a very spiritual way. I lost my Mom in 2012 and I miss her every day. When the season turns to Autumn, I love to see the leaves turn to auburn. They remind me of her beautiful hair.
My husband and I are considering joining the Catholic Church. I love the connection you made with your mom on All Souls Day. Please keep us in your prayers as we take this journey. God bless you and your Mom.
Thanks for your message and so sorry for your loss Sherri. Sending you love, prayers and good energy. xo Michelle
I too lost my Mom in October, back in 2002. She wasn’t quite 75. On this day, it is a nice idea to think about, honor, and cherish all those who have passed on. Thanks for a good reminder to treasure what we have in our hearts and memories.
You are welcome Virgina and I’m sorry for your loss. Always take advantage of the opportunity to connect with your Mom!
Thanks for sharing Michelle. We buried Dad just last week, exactly one week before Halloween, so this time of year will always hold special memories for me as well. What a lovely tribute to someone you will always hold in your heart.
I’m so sorry for your loss Carol Ann. Yes, it will be a special time of year for sure. xo Michelle
Michelle, I am so sorry for your loss. There is just nothing like loosing your parents. Thank you for sharing your heart.Precious to be sure and I loved your Momma’s photo. :) Praying for you today. Blessings, Kathleen
Thank you Kathleen :) xo Michelle
I know your mom would be so proud of all that you have accomplished and what a beautiful woman you are!
Thanks Amy. That means a lot. xo michelle
What a lovely remembrance of your mother and a wonderful way to think of Halloween and loss. Our energetic connection with each other transcends space and time. Beautiful!
Thanks Maria. xo
LOVE this…! What an amazing tribute to your Mom! Thank you for sharing such a personal story & experience with how you were able to deal with your grief.
Blessings, & ALL the best!!
THanks Donna. xo Michelle
My first husband died the same day several years prior to your Mom’s passing. Your blog is a sensitive and precious memory that I am honored to share.
Thanks for your nice note. I’m sorry for your loss Katherine.
Michelle, thanks for sharing about the loss of your mom. My mom passed on October 3, 1980. Happening so long ago it was a great lesson of how the grief process works – a forever sense of loss and celebration. Part of my grief ritual is to every year on the anniversary of her passing I write about some aspect of how she helped me become me.
Thanks for sharing.
Best…Jim
Thanks for sharing about your grief ritual. What a wonderful way to remember and honor your Mom.
Thanks for sharing your experience Michelle! Very powerful and moving, especially for us who have lost a parent. Wishing warmest thoughts to you!
Thanks for your note Sandra.
Michelle, Thanks for sharing this tribute to your Mom. I appreciate that you reframed the experience from loss to connection, although a different kind. Thanks, too, for arranging the offer from Aurora Winter for the Grief Relief in 30 Minutes book.
Many blessings, Sandy
Thanks for your note Sandy. Let me know what you think about the book. I just ordered mine today too…
What a powerful tribute to your mother and to your own spirit and strength. I salute you and the faith of many traditions that support and nurture you!
Thanks for your comment Michael. I appreciate it!