I have always loved Halloween.
As a kid, it was about scoring as much candy as possible. In my teenage years, it was a night when I could justify getting into trouble. And as an adult, I have totally loved costuming-up for Halloween parties.
Halloween now has a new meaning for me. My mom passed away on October 28, 2005. A few hours after she died we set October 31 as the date for the funeral.
At the time I thought, “Well this really sucks. From now on Halloween won’t be fun because the day will always remind me of my mom’s funeral.”
My mother’s funeral was a spectacular East Coast autumn day… clear, crisp and sunny. As I noticed signs of the changing season, I remembered something that I learned from my study of and participation in Native American traditions.
According to Native American philosophy, the time between Halloween (October 31st) and All Souls Day (November 1st) is the time of year when the “veil between the two worlds is the thinnest.” It is the time when the spirit world is closest and most connected to our physical world here on earth.
That perspective shifted how I felt about my mom being buried on Halloween. Instead of it being a bummer, it was now a gift. Suddenly it was “pretty cool” that my mom’s funeral was on Halloween.
The next Halloween, one year after my mother’s funeral, I participated in a sweat lodge ceremony – a native American prayer tradition, conducted inside a sweat lodge, which looks like an igloo but feels like a sauna. As the ceremony began we were reminded that the end of October through the beginning of November is a powerful time to connect with the souls and spirits of people who have passed on.
During that sweat lodge ceremony I felt my Mom’s presence in a big way, much more so than at any other time since her death. It was incredibly powerful and enabled me to see and experience how I can still have a profound connection with my mom, even though she is no longer here physically on earth.
It’s now been 16 years since my mother’s passing. Over the years I have found that the intense pain and sadness has lessened, and the overall missing of my mom has increased.
If you are experiencing grief from the loss of a loved one, I encourage you to take advantage of this special time of year and connect with the people in your life who have passed on. Allow the feelings of sadness and grief to be fully felt. Take comfort in special memories. Remember and honor all that you loved about the person. Ask for guidance and support. This is a powerful time of year to reconnect.
In memory of:
Barbara Ann Schubnel
1943 – 2005
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One of the things I have a profound appreciation for is when the opportunity presents itself for me to share, in a validating and caring way, how family members that have passed were so instrumental in my life. My grandfather on my dad’s side, my dad and my grandmother on my mom’s side left me with perspectives that, when recalled, stop me in my tracks. The effect is one of abundant gratitude and alignment.
Thank you Michelle, yes there is a wonderful connection this time of year. My father and grandfather both communicated with me several years ago. But they can communicate with us at any time if we are quiet. I do genealogy work and many times unusual things happen. When they do I thank the ancestors as I believe they are guiding me.
Yes Lynn – I agree that we can communicate and connect with our ancestors and guides when we intend on it and allow the space for it.
Wow, my dad passed away October 28th 2012 and his funeral was on holloween too. I fought my mother and the rabbi on this, but no choice, storm Sandy came and went along with my dads spirit. My passed 3 years later, my dog a year after that, but my dad, I can’t get over the pain
Dear Michelle ,
Thank you for this beautiful tribute to your lovely mother. My mom passed away after a struggle with colon cancer and Alzheimer’s and later a stroke. She could no longer speak, but she remembered how to sing with me. Those were the most precious days. You are a wonderful and accomplished person, because of the inner you that she helped create. I admire your confidence and courage. Happy to know you.💕❤️
So sorry for the loss of your mom Susan… and I imagine you did so much to support her. How special that you were able to have precious times together thru singing.
Thanks Michele for your words here. I just read them. Our family can relate to your experience. Our mother passed on October 29, 2006 just a year after your experience with your mother.
Your words put things in perspective that I have shared with my family too.
Thank you
Condolences on the loss of your mother – no matter how many years have passed the missing is still there.
Thank you for your remembrances, Michelle. My Mom died in September,1958 after years of complications of breast cancer before we had chemo and radiation. I was 18. I didn’t adjust very well in some ways right away. But she left me with great ideas and belief in possibilities. She went back to school when my brother and I were in grade school and with a bachelor’s degree, she began to teach so she could buy a dish washing machine herself, since my Dad thought it was extravagant. Her example is why I am here, believing that I can make a difference no matter my age or situation. Thanks for the chance to offer a public thanks to my Mom all these many years later.
Your mother sounds like she was an amazing woman Carolann. It must have been so hard to lose her when you were only 18. What a tribute to her that you are keeping her memory and lessons alive.
I wish that instead of glorifying gruesome and ignoble images of death, that it WAS more about remembering those who have passed on as in the tradition of the Dia de los Muertos.
Now that my husband is gone (he loved Halloween not because of the grossness, but because of the ability to be playful like a kid with decorating) I don’t have to even pretend to anyone else that I like the holiday at all.
I appreciate your sharing and will definitely focus on being open to remembering him and his “fun little kid in a big man’s body” spirit! Thank you Michelle and wishing you fond memories of your mom too.
My condolences on the loss of your husband – and halloween sounds like a special time to remember him and his playful spirit.
Thank you for writing your story about your mother and how important this time of the year is for so many of us. Grief is so deep and personal and it’s so difficult to understand how a person will journey through it. As a coach, I can be present, open minded, and receptive as my client experiences their own grief journey.
Halloween is hard. My mom died at 10:14 p.m . Mom was a hospice patient but she still wanted me to do cpr when the time came. The time came and I performed cpr and got mom temporarily back. I will never forget mom looking at me before she fell unconscious again. I never felt so helpless in my life. This is a hard time.
Yes Linda, as a coach we need to be able to be present for our clients when they are experiencing grief.
I know your pain and sadness all to well..your story the Insight you tell..I Thank you..Its so hard to talk about,Without busting in tears..My mom pasted away Halloween night of 2017..Its been the hardest journey yet in this life..I love you too the moon and back..always and forever…
Marcia DeMott
❤ ~1959-2017~❤
Thank you for your comment Tara and I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs!
Hi, Michelle. I feel for you. I am sorry for your loss. Yet, your story has inspired me. Yes, your story of woe seers to tears in my soul. However, I share a similar grief tale. A holiday and death seem terrible to have grief enter the picture.
Mine was domestic violence on Christmas Eve, a murder of my mother. So, again, I feel for you and thank you for sharing this and your life’s work. This has been quite an inspiration for me in my life coaching business.
All my best.
Peace.
Eddie, I am so very sorry for your loss.
I too am so sorry for your loss. My beloved mother also died on October 31st after a short but intensive illness. She was admitted to the hospital on a Wed, left the hospital the following Wed and passed away a week after that. So little time. I loved/love her so much and will miss her laughter, her wit, and generous caring spirit with every fiber of my being. I am praying for a speedy and joyous transition as she (and all of our mom’s) deserve every bit of freedom, love and happiness the after life has to offer. May the rich and powerful spirit of GOD Bless us all.
Hello Michelle, such a lovely tribute to your beloved Mother. Thank you for sharing. Too often we are reluctant to discuss death, or those who have died. As soon as we think of them and speak their names they are still alive to us.
Happy memories!
Thank you Cathy – I totally agree.
Yes, Michelle, thank you so much for reminding us to value the depth and breadth of our feeling of loss. Our precious younger son finally left us last February after a long and heroic battle of 50 years. My husband is a poet and has written one or two poems every day since then for, to, and about Max. A sweat lodge sounds like a lovely place to reflect on and share our precious memories of him.
Thanks for your comment Marilla and I am sorry for your loss. How wonderful that your husband honors your son through poetry. May his memory live on.
Absolutely beautiful blog and tribute, Michelle. I’m sure your mom was an amazing woman. She has to have been to have a daughter like you.
Thank you Danny! She really was an amazing woman.
Halloween, All Saints Day Samhien, all celebrating our departed loved ones at this time of year. It is a magical moment when the veil between the worlds are thin. How wonderful to remember your Mother in this way. Sweat lodges can cleanse many things from our mind and body. I hope you continue the tradition.
Thanks Daniel. I am overdue for a good sweat lodge :)
-Michelle
Thank You for sharing. It is a Beautiful sharing of the Love you have for Your Mom & Encourages Readers to think about loss in a different way.
((Hugs))
Thank you.
Wonderful heartfelt story! Mother’s buried on special Days! We had my Mother’s funeral this year on February 14! She was the Queen of Hearts! Now making this an even more special Day! Hugs and see you at JVX!
Wow Carole – queen of hearts on valentine’s day. Your mom must have been a special lady. See you soon! xoxo -Michelle
Michelle,
I just lost my mom on Oct 16 from complications of Wet Nile Virus. That sucks doesn’t it? Plain as day, a stupid mosquito took my mom’s life. I’ve been struggling to put this long illness and death into a perspective that I can understand and gain strength from. Thanks for sharing and explaining this interesting custom. I’m going to read more about this-
Blessings, Kim
Kim I am so sorry for your loss. Yes that does suck! I’m sending you love and energy. xoxox Michelle
I like your story very much. The Native American Traditions are so moving and a subject of study for me too. Thank You
Thanks Mary Lou. xo
Hello Michelle,
Your blog post touched me in a very spiritual way. I lost my Mom in 2012 and I miss her every day. When the season turns to Autumn, I love to see the leaves turn to auburn. They remind me of her beautiful hair.
My husband and I are considering joining the Catholic Church. I love the connection you made with your mom on All Souls Day. Please keep us in your prayers as we take this journey. God bless you and your Mom.
Thanks for your message and so sorry for your loss Sherri. Sending you love, prayers and good energy. xo Michelle
I too lost my Mom in October, back in 2002. She wasn’t quite 75. On this day, it is a nice idea to think about, honor, and cherish all those who have passed on. Thanks for a good reminder to treasure what we have in our hearts and memories.
You are welcome Virgina and I’m sorry for your loss. Always take advantage of the opportunity to connect with your Mom!
Thanks for sharing Michelle. We buried Dad just last week, exactly one week before Halloween, so this time of year will always hold special memories for me as well. What a lovely tribute to someone you will always hold in your heart.
I’m so sorry for your loss Carol Ann. Yes, it will be a special time of year for sure. xo Michelle
Michelle, I am so sorry for your loss. There is just nothing like loosing your parents. Thank you for sharing your heart.Precious to be sure and I loved your Momma’s photo. :) Praying for you today. Blessings, Kathleen
Thank you Kathleen :) xo Michelle
I know your mom would be so proud of all that you have accomplished and what a beautiful woman you are!
Thanks Amy. That means a lot. xo michelle
What a lovely remembrance of your mother and a wonderful way to think of Halloween and loss. Our energetic connection with each other transcends space and time. Beautiful!
Thanks Maria. xo
LOVE this…! What an amazing tribute to your Mom! Thank you for sharing such a personal story & experience with how you were able to deal with your grief.
Blessings, & ALL the best!!
THanks Donna. xo Michelle
My first husband died the same day several years prior to your Mom’s passing. Your blog is a sensitive and precious memory that I am honored to share.
Thanks for your nice note. I’m sorry for your loss Katherine.
Michelle, thanks for sharing about the loss of your mom. My mom passed on October 3, 1980. Happening so long ago it was a great lesson of how the grief process works – a forever sense of loss and celebration. Part of my grief ritual is to every year on the anniversary of her passing I write about some aspect of how she helped me become me.
Thanks for sharing.
Best…Jim
Thanks for sharing about your grief ritual. What a wonderful way to remember and honor your Mom.
Thanks for sharing your experience Michelle! Very powerful and moving, especially for us who have lost a parent. Wishing warmest thoughts to you!
Thanks for your note Sandra.
Michelle, Thanks for sharing this tribute to your Mom. I appreciate that you reframed the experience from loss to connection, although a different kind. Thanks, too, for arranging the offer from Aurora Winter for the Grief Relief in 30 Minutes book.
Many blessings, Sandy
Thanks for your note Sandy. Let me know what you think about the book. I just ordered mine today too…
What a powerful tribute to your mother and to your own spirit and strength. I salute you and the faith of many traditions that support and nurture you!
Thanks for your comment Michael. I appreciate it!